Freaky Friday

When we were off track our cousins CJ and Angie would come over and my mom would do little activities with us or take us on a little fieldtrip. Sounds really educational and fun right?

Shanna:"Only a couple more and she should be finished"

CJ:"Alright, scissors."

... Silence...Snip...Snip...Snip...

**DOOR FLIES OPEN AND HITS THE WALL**

Angry Mother Kat:"AND WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GUYS DOING!?"

As she looks down and sees that Shanna's my size Barbie is now my size Barbie with no fingers. Angry mother Kat asks for the fingers and CJ's tiny little hand that is balled up in a fist releases them to her. In the mean time, me and Angie were scared stiff and sitting on the stairs making paper turkey's. This is probably one of the only times when I wasn't involved in whatever it was that was making my mom go prematurely gray and call my dad that was thousands of miles away telling him that we would be in a cardboard box outside of walmart that said, "free kiddies, have all their shots but no returns or guarantees your house will still be standing tomorrow." I think what she was so upset about is the fact that Shanna cried when she didn't get My Size Barbie for Christmas when she actually did. She was hiding in a box behind the Christmas tree. My dad was hesitant in buying it because he saw that tutu outfit that she came with that you could also wear and the only kid he could imagine wearing it was Mitchell. My parents were never afraid of Mitchell being one of those pervy boys that took Barbies clothes off to see what was underneath because they were too concerned that he was trying to figure out a way to wear them. PS I blame Barbie and Ken for giving us ideas of what the other sex looks like without clothes because when I saw Nick it was like, "uhumm my Ken doll did not have one of those..." Anyway... .... ... We have now figured out the reason why we first thought of fixing the broken cupboard with a glue gun after Roni slammed into it. It is because that is what my mom did with my size Barbie. She laid her out on the ironing board, asked for liquid stitches and put her fingers back on.

Because I know how much you all want a handmade fruitloop necklace from me...

One of my fellow blogging friends had this on her blog and I thought it would be fun. I never do these kind of things so here I am now. The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! I promise it wont be a plastic bag kite named Ed Sulivan. My choice specifically for you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make! 2- What I create will be just for you. 3- It'll be done this year. 4- You have no clue what it's going to be. 5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange. The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog (or facebook, etc.) and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a suprise homemade gift by me. Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it! Good luck!

Thats my name, don't wear it out.

Yesterday I played a part in my grandmas musical number for church. Jo Anne De Lange played the organ, Kathleen Sorenson sang, and Frank Hauser played the piano. Can you tell which one I am supposed to be? That's right my friends read it and see for yourself...
So while most of you know me as Amanda, you never knew that I had an alias. The number went really well, aside from the fact that the entire time my mom was being dive bombed by flies and my heels kept getting stuck in the carpet loops and all I could think was, geez Frank had you not worn these today you probably wouldn't have messed up a hundred times and almost ate it on the stairs. But I couldn't resist. Now would you please excuse me, I need to go make a small name change to my driver's license.

Freaky Friday

So while all of you had parents that bought you video game systems for Christmas, birthdays, or just because you whined enough about not having one and that everyone in your class was raving about the new Mario Kart 64 and how you were a nobody because you didn't have one and were forced to sit at the lunch table with the kid who still eats his boogers, we had nothing. I bought the first video game system we had from Toys R Us. The Nintendo64 happened to be out but I saw a special on the Super Nintendo so after scraping and saving, couch cushion diving, and conning small children into buying my creepy crawlies, I bought one. We LOVED that thing. We would all sit in front of the TV and contribute. Most of the time each of us would excel in a certain category, the water worlds, the jungle worlds, the animal worlds and the dreaded boss at the end. The TV already consumed our lives before the video games so my parents didn't seem to mind too much. So let me tell you a story because the Nintendo seems to be the thing that bonded us the most, using team work and rooting for each other.

This story is mainly for Kyle. Sarah hasn't always hated video games as much as crocs, she was actually a huge fan of the classics like Disney's Magic Kingdom and Paperboy. We had a game for the Super Nintendo called Porky Pigs Adventure and it was her life. She would come home from school and play it and you couldn't save so when we were forced to go to bed, she would leave the Nintendo on all night so she could start back up again. It became a big thing after school, we would race home to watch Sarah beat the next level. One night Sarah had finally made it to the very last level with the very last boss and we were so excited. Along came my parents to ruin our glory by telling us it was time for bed and that it wasn't healthy sitting in front of the TV for 7 hours. We complained that it was only 11:30 and we weren't going to bed until she finished. Our parents knew our weakness. Our mom went right over the the Nintendo and put her finger one inch away from the reset button and we all shrieked followed by little voices saying "ooh mommy you wouldn't" "Please don't mama you know this took us forever" and "If you do that, I am moving out." My dads way was a little bit more effective, he knew nothing got us up to bed faster than him chasing us with the plunger and telling us our head would fit perfectly inside. So that night we all dreamt of Porky Pig and the Evil Daffy Duck that awaited. School finally ended and we raced home only to remember that Sarah had her janitorial job to do at the elementary so we would just have to wait. It seemed like ages so Mitchell called the neighbor kids over to play. Nobody noticed anything had gone horribly wrong until Sarah got home, she turned the TV on only to be greeted by the opening screen. All of our hearts fell out of our chests and we wept and clung to each other. During our gigantic pillow fight someone hit the reset button and our hopes and dreams of seeing the end were shattered. We all tried to comfort Sarah but she needed a moment to herself so she went and colored her hair. We encouraged her to try again because it would be easier the second time but she snapped. She vowed to hate video games from that day forward. She has done that faithfully for the most part but she has begun to crack. Whenever she hears the electronic melody of paperboy, she can't help but want to play. She has had some peace though, about a year ago I pulled out the dusty Nintendo and defeated porky pig in a matter of 4 hours while she watched some and at then end of the game a tear rolled down her cheek while she said "That ending was beautiful."

*Disclaimer: Sarah is not a Nintendo hater too much anymore after countless hours of playing Viva Pinata and Dr. Mario.

Cause you had a bad day.

Have you ever had a horrible day where nothing is going right and you find that you would rather be stranded in the middle of the ocean covered in raw bacon, next to Richard Simmons telling you that you are fat, while all at the same time the Reba theme song is playing in your head? I had one of those days, THREE times this week. After slamming my fingers in my drawers five million times, deciphering bids that might has well been written in German, and receiving not one, not two but three paper cuts during horrid filing, I considered calling Richard Simmons up and giving him the exact coordinates where I would land after being shoved out of a plane by someone who told me this wouldn't have happened had I followed my dream to be a My Little Pony, or a more realistic American Gladiator. Well unfortunately I am neither of those things, I am in accounts receivable where if I am not being yelled at by someone who doesn't feel like they owe us money, I am being asked how old I am because I don't sound 21. So from now on when people decide that it is completely ok to ask how old I am I will respond with this, I am 13 year old who is currently working against child labor laws because I have been dying to have that Hannah Montana mini backpack I saw at Payless, dont tell my parents that making collection calls isn't in the 7th grade curriculum. To take a break from collection calls, I found that filing should be harmless. Wrong. Those manila filing folders have it out for my cuticles. The only thing that would have made it worse is if there was a llama sitting there squirting lemon juice on my lacerations and head butting me at any chance he got. Another thing, why does your stapler have to inconveniently jam on the very last paper you need stapled? And when you unjam it and attempt to staple it again it thinks it would just be hilarious if it did it twice in a row. But it wasn't laughing after I backed over it with the forklift while repeatedly saying "Jam on this." Make note office tools, this is one A/R assistant you do not want to mess with.

Can someone say best wife ever?

How can you be this when you do nothing but watch reality TV and sing annoying songs about your dog? Simple. Buy the gift that tops anything else in the entire world. Yes, even more gift topping then the time Sarah and I sent our husbands to the Bronco's vs. Dolphins football game, well maybe it is close. I think the only way I could have topped this gift is if I gave Nick a clone of me that never sang anything, and didn't insist that she had muffin top. But seeing that I don't have $300,000.00 sitting around to do so I made due. Nick LOVES the band "Travis" and since they are from Scotland, they NEVER come here. Well they are, and I found out and managed to keep my mouth shut for six whole days. It was really hard so I kept it occupied with sugar cookies and chocolate. So I am just going to go ahead and say this, these tickets make up for all the times that I forced Nick to eat frozen burritos, watch all the Carebear episodes from the second season, and listen to me belt out Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl" in the car.... twice.

I am so lucky.

So today I get a call from a guy downstairs saying that he has something for me. I figured he had cookies or donuts he wanted to share so I go down and see these : )No they were not from the guy downstairs, they were from my cute husband. He sent two dozen of the most beautiful roses, a teddy bear, chocolates, a balloon and a cute little message. I am so lucky to have Nick : ) Love you big spoon!

Freaky Friday

As you all saw in the random 25 things about me post, I tried to break the world record for somersaults. Do I even know what it is? No. I just figured it would be fun to see how long I could go. I wasn't going through out my house either, I was in the TV room going round and round, my dad started getting annoyed after he realized that we now have a permanent ring in our carpet. I started it on a Sunday after early morning church. At first my family would make comments of how I was going to be sick, how I probably should be careful that my foot doesn't go through the fireplace glass, and how annoying I was being but after six hours they continued on with their business. I started smelling smoke from the friction but did I care? No, because I was on number 657,485 and I wasn't stopping. The doorbell rang and my mom looked at me with pleading eyes like she always did when someone came to the door. It was the "children could you please act like nice normal kids for just five minutes? And then after I promise you can continue terrorizing one another with that giant fork." I didn't stop. It ended up being my Gma and Gpa D anyway and those two were very aware of our always having to do stupid things. Gma D stepped into the TV room and I ran over her foot mid-sault and she jump back clutching her chest and saying a cuss word. She told me to stop doing kill overs because eventually it would take a toll on my neurological system. She had no idea. It was dinner time and they began trying to sway me away from rolling to eat but I wasn't stopping. So a broken entertainment center door, a kick to Mitchell's face and a foot through the fireplace glass later I was finished. But all those things didn't stop me, it was the fact that now all I could see was black and the only senses I was relying on were sound and when all of the sudden I was hearing the strange crunch of a tarp underneath me, I stopped and waited for my sight to return. In the mean time my mom had dragged me out to the backyard by tarp to roll.

Random things

I have been tagged. I generally don't do these Steph but I will because it is random things about me and I know everyone wants to know what I do besides watch Carebear DVDs and annoy the H out of Nick so here you go.

1- I hate lemon flavored candy, it is gross and burns my taste buds off.
2- I once shoved as many red tamale candies in my mouth as I could and stained my carpet red when I spit them out onto it. What? they were hot...
3- I used to only travel by way of somersaults and skipped two whole meals on Sunday trying to break the record.
4- Somersaulting up the stairs was great, but down wasn't so successful.
5- I knocked out my own two front baby teeth on purpose with barbie furniture before we went on vacation to Disneyland because the $150.00 I had saved wouldn't cover the tax.
6- I had a permanent front tooth knocked out by a bowling ball.
7- I used to work at Arctic Circle and gained about 30 pounds off of cookie dough bites.
8- I always give money to homeless people and the people that stand outside of stores because if I don't I go home and cry and tell Nick how awful I am and how bad I feel.
9- I can secretly cook, it always tastes yummy but the disaster I create in the process makes it not worth it.
10- I didn't have my first kiss until I was 16 and I regret the kiss so I claim that Nick was my first kiss.
11- I have broken my nose at LEAST three times and had surgery on it twice.
12- I used to absolutely hate girl things including, pink, shoes, purses, jewelry and now they are my obsession.
13- Nick's mom bought me my first purse when I was 17 and it was smaller than my make up bad now.
14- Rollerblading used to be my life. I used to chalk "Sk8 or Die" on my parents driveway.
15- I called the cops once on my mom for her not letting me go to gma D's and it took about 17 years to convince her it was me and not Sarah.
16- I peed my pants in 5th grade playing four square because a girl "high towered" herself in the face.
17- If I take Excedrin my brain shuts off COMPLETELY.
18- I have probably been to the ER more times than anyone you know.
19- I am not proud of number 18 at all.
20- I am a headstand champion, no one can defeat me.
21- I used to watch TV on the floor with my legs behind my head.
22- I sleep curled up into a tiny ball so when I shower I look like a hunchback.
23- I have a teddy bear named Twinkie that I will NEVER get rid of.
24- I love ribbon to the point of obsession.
25- I don't go a day without hitting my funny bone at least once. My house is a booby trap for my elbows.

Freaky Friday

When we were younger we absolutely loved the library. Our mom would take us there and we would max out our cards with PC games, books and our personal favorite, Shelley Duvall VCR tapes. Occasionally our mom would be so occupied with keeping the house in at least 5 pieces that she forgot the books were due. Then Conan the librarian (the name we gave the recording that would call) would let us know they were late, this was only effective when my mom answered because if we did, we would snicker and ask him if his refrigerator was running or repeatedly say the word poop. Eventually he started threatning our lives and then just stoped calling. Well the fines started piling up little bits at a time and finally the library had had it.

I was first in line to check out my stack, we had us four kids lined up with our giant stacks and cards, divided just right so that we could check out the entire library. The lady asked how we were doing and beeped my card. Metal shudders came down over the doors, the SWAT team ran in and we heard words we never wanted to hear, "I'm sorry mam but you cannot check out any books on this card, it has an outstanding fine. And on a side note, I think that you should leave at least two of the thirty Shelley Duvall tapes here for the other children." My mom rolled her eyes and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. The lady looked at it and turned the computer screen. My fine was a measly $85. So she said, "ok, we will put some of the books back and check everything out on the other three cards. Next card beeps, fine. Next two cards, same thing. The line was starting to grow behind us which was causing my mom more grief then necessary so she ripped out her checkbook and wrote a check that probably could have payed for a car. Mitchell happens to be the next in line and he has a stack of music CD's. Keep in mind he is probably in fifth grade or something. She beeps the first one and I notice that it is the "You've Got Mail" soundtrack. I try to tell the librarian that this is a mistake, he must not know what it is. The whole library is looking at Mitch waiting for him to say something. Then small Mitchell looks up with a big smile on his face and says, "I love the Cranberries." Us girls start to laugh and tell him how stupid he is and how much he bugs us so the librarian feels the need to interject and let us know that her young daughter loves Beetle Juice (and she had a lisp.) Now I am not making fun of anyone but just like Ed Sullivan, the words Beetle Juice have a warm place in our hearts. But now anytime my mom hears the word Library, her eyes bulge and she nervously clutches her wallet so tight that you can hear it begging for air. I know, the library is free. Well not to us Sorensen's that is for sure.

And then the chicken noodle soup I ate for dinner came out my throat.

When we were little, our dad would do "walkie walkie" to us before we had to go to bed. What is this you ask? I will give you a hint, I put shoe marks on his ceiling. Observe...